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4th Step Inventory

Adulthood 4th Step Inventory

1. Are you afraid of getting too close to another person for fear of being rejected?

2. Do you test your relationships repeatedly, looking for slights or any indifference in order to find some ground for complaint?

3. Do you reject others before they can reject you?

4. Are you so thin-skinned that you have trouble admitting any human weaknesses?

a. List some of your weaknesses that you are able to accept.
b. How well do you accept yourself in your own humanness?
c. Are you able to be less defensive about these weaknesses?

5. Define Love.

a. What do you feel it is?
b. Do you drift in and out of relationships?
c. Does it seem that people mean little to you?
d. Do you feel the desire for mothering/fathering?
e. For active caring?
f. For unlimited acceptance?

6. If you are married or have been married... list the things you and your mate had in common and what your goals were at the onset of your marriage.

a. If you have been married more than once, do this with each marriage.
b. Now list the things that were different between you.

7. If you married a cold, unloving person, ask yourself why you chose that one to be your mate?

a. Did you use it as an excuse to find new romances?
b. Was your mother or father cold and unloving...and is this your chance to get even with them through your spouse?

8. Why did you get married?

a. Or...why haven't you gotten married?
b. Was the marriage for the right reasons?
c. Did you marry earlier than your peer group?
d. Later?
e. Do you accept or resent the responsibilities of marriage and family?
f. Do you share in the responsibilities for the families' problems?

9. Are you able to be cheerful when everything seems to be leading to despair?

10. Do you resist the impulse to complain to others about your situation?

a. Are you able to forgive those who have injured you?

11. Do you continue to assume excessive responsibility if there is no longer a financial need?

12. Do you allow your family to come between you and your spouse?

13. Do you make excessive demands and expectations of your spouse?

14. Are you able to admit that you have no authority or power over any other human being?

15. Do you create a pleasant, cheerful environment?

a. Do you try to?

16. Do you feel all human beings are basically good and sensitive?

17. Are you still a baby in your parent's eyes and take advantage of it?

a. Do you resent it?

18. Are you a baby in the eyes of your spouse?

a. Do you resent it?

19. Do you infringe on the rights and dignity of others?

20. Have your parents gotten you out of trouble you should have been able to handle by yourself?

21. Do you gossip about others?

22. Are you comfortable with someone who is less fortunate than you?

23. Do you know how to respond to the needs of others?

a. To give of yourself?

24. When, and how, and in just what instances did your selfish pursuit of sex relations damage other people and yourself?

a. What people were hurt?
b. How badly?
c. Did you spoil your marriage and injure your children?
d. Did you jeopardize your job or your standing in the community?
e. Just how did you react to these situations at the time?
f. Did you burn with guilt that nothing could extinguish?
g. Did you have bouts of depression?
h. Or did you insist that you were the pursued and not the pursuer...and thus absolve yourself?

25. How have you reacted to frustration in sexual matters?

a. When denied, have you become vengeful or depressed?
b. Did you "take it out" on other people?
c. If there was rejection or coldness in your home, did you use this as a reason for promiscuity?
d. Did you tend to be promiscuous with little or no lasting satisfaction or emotional interchange?

26. Many people who are lonely and don't really know how to love get involved senselessly in "sexcapades." The temporary loss of loneliness makes one call sex "love," but when the sexual partner is gone, it makes for an even greater feeling of loneliness.

a. Have you ever experienced this?

27. Are laws made for other people?

a. Do you make up your own laws as you go along?
28. If revenge were possible right now, who would be the top people on your list?

a. Why?

29. What are your present feelings about sex, parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, friends, your children, your mate, your intimate friends, your job, on being a compulsive person, finances, divorce or marriage (depending on your present status).

30. What are your hopes and goals?

31. Does diversion and distraction interfere with your adult goals?

a. Do you believe that your situation is not really hopeless and that you are capable of improving it?
b. Are you able to feel that tomorrow will be brighter if you've had a bad day?

32. Do you use sex as a punishment or a reward?

33. How much time do you spend with your family?

a. With the program?
34. What is your greatest fear?

35. What is your sex life like?

a. Is it as mature as you might want it to be?
b. Are you disappointed in your mate for not fulfilling your sexual needs?
c. Are you careless of your partner's feelings?
d. Write out your ideal of a healthy sex life.

36. Do you engage in sex in order to build your own ego by a feeling of conquest?

37. Are you afraid of being sexually rejected?

38. Are you ashamed of your body or the way you look?

a. Write out what's wrong with the physical you.
b. Write out the best things about you physically.
c. Now write out the things about yourself that you are ashamed of.

39. Do you feel you are still trying to please your parents?

40. Do you drive yourself to the point of exhaustion?

41. Do you accept that you can only do your best?

42. Do you use people to get what you want?

43. Do you expect others to pour out love, affection, and services?

44. Do you gossip or perform "character assassination" on others in order to "make it" in the business or social world?

a. Or do you do this in an effort to feel superior (to the one gossiped about)?

45. If you are a thief, what have you stolen?

a. Don't forget to include employer's time and the good feelings others had and you destroyed.
b. Have you used your employer's facilities, supplies or equipment for your personal use without permission?

46. Do you have a pattern of getting sick?

a. Do you go to doctors repeatedly without finding anything organically wrong?
b. Do you use illness as an excuse to avoid responsibilities or to get attention or sympathy?

47. In business relationships, write out your resentments toward bosses and co- workers.

a. Do you feel jealous of them?
b. Are you concerned that others in your office will get more money or prestige than you will?
c. Do you try to prove you can "take it" on a job that is rough and tough?

d. Do you complain about how hard you must work?
e. List all the negative feelings you have about the people involved in your work life.
f. Are you indifferent and/or careless on your job?
g. Do you think you should be the boss?
h. Do you use the excuse that your boss, or your family or friends, shouldn't expect so much of you?
i. Are you able to laugh at yourself for sometimes trying to be other than that which you are?
j. Do you feel good about yourself when you complete a job because you want to finish it?

48. If you are divorced, or getting one, write out your negative feelings about the situation and the people involved. Resentments, fears, guilts, etc., concerning your relationship with your mate, including feelings about your children.

a. Do you expect the children to make a decision on which parent they love the best?
b. How well are you able to accept situations you cannot change?
c. Are you able to back away from conflict and confusion?

49. If married, write out exactly how you feel about your spouse and children.

a. Are they living up to your expectations?
b. What are your expectations?

50. Do you feel that no one really understands you?

51. Is your need for affection so intense that the demands for it may be exhausting in a sexual relationship?

52. Are your expectations unreasonable?

53. How do you think you would be different if "they" were out of your life?

54. Are you uncomfortable in social situations?

a. Do you have trouble introducing people to each other?
b. Are you able to relax or do you find relaxing difficult?

55. Do you still feel different from other members of the program or apart from them?

a. Do you feel superior or inferior?
b. Do you avoid looking at yourself by making statements such as, "Oh well, some of us are sicker than others?"
56. Do you judge or make fun of people who appear to be less fortunate mentally, physically, or morally than you think you are?

57. Do you compare yourself to others to make yourself suffer by picking people who are further along in the program than you, or people who are talented in areas you are not?

58. Are you able to accept the facts of a situation, thereby deciding what to do about it?

59. The only person you can adequately compare yourself to is yourself:

a. How were you five days ago?
b. Five weeks ago?
c. Five months ago?
d. At your first meeting?
e. How are you now?

60. List every act you swore you would take to the grave, disclosing to no one. Be open and honest. (Remember, life gave us all good and bad experiences. Usually the things you are most ashamed of are the very acts that made you try to grow into something of someone better. If you want freedom, you have to let go of it all. The AA Big Book states..."We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it...No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others..." (pg. 83-84) If you want to help bring peace into the lives of the people you will be dealing with later, you must find it in your own life first.

61. In what ways are you the responsible person?

62. Are you a tightwad?

a. What are your fears concerning money?
b. Do you spend money with no thought of tomorrow?
c. Are you heavily in debt?

63. Do you try to fill your life with the gratification of impulses?

64. Is your personal appearance particularly careless or prideful?

a. On sight, do you judge people by their appearance (whether sloppy or neat)?
b. Are you never satisfied with yourself or others?

65. What things make you feel greedy, envious, angry?

66. Do you strive for wealth or reputation, or both, to the exclusion of other values in life?

67. Are you scornful of ideas that weren't your own?

68. Do you tell others how bad you have been or are, or do you go to the other extreme and tell people how great you are or were? (The first communication can be pride in reserves; the second can be a way to give your ego a false sense of security).

69. Write your feelings for parents, brothers, sisters, and other family members.

a. What resentments or hates do you still have?
b. What still makes you feel guilty about them?

70. Do you pad your expense account or use household money to buy things for yourself?

71. Do you feel a resentment toward another member of the program?

72. What kinds of things do you lie about the most?

73. Do you still need to play the Big Shot?

74. Do you strive for success in a desperate effort to deny inner needs, to repel the feelings of emptiness?

75. Are you hurt when people turn away and won't play your games?

76. Do you resent not getting as much attention as you did when you were brand new in the program?

77. Do you worry about other people's Higher Power not being as good as yours?

a. Or maybe even better?
b. How do you feel about people who claim to be Godly?

78. What is your conception of "God as you understand Him"?

79. Are you comparing yourself with others in spiritual growth?

a. Have you known someone who had a spiritual approach you wish you had?
b. Do you feel superior or inferior spiritually?

80. Do you still feel guilty about masturbation?

81. Do you feel superior because you have more education, money, brains, the "right color skin", social background, vocation, or any other seeming advantages?

a. List your feelings of superiority.

82. Do you feel inferior because you have less of the above?

a. List your feelings of inferiority.

83. Do you think you are superior to the general run of people?

a. List all the ways in which you are different.

84. Do you think you are inferior to the general run of people?

a. List all the ways in which you are different.

85. Do you have a hard time getting to places on time?

86. Do you resent others who don't seem to have problems finding happiness?

87. Are you aware of any clear adult goals?

88. Do you seek enjoyment or entertainment of one kind or another but are rarely capable of thorough enjoyment?

89. Do you turn play into work? (i.e. games, sports, hobbies that are not fun or relaxing).

90. Are you still judging the outside of others by the inside of you?

91. Have you bothered to ask the people who seem happy how they got that way?

92. How much time do you spend with the welfare and happiness of others?

a. Have you learned how to hear other people, to see them, to know them?

93. Do you still envy people who do not appear to be compulsive?

94. Are you hostile because you don't like the hand life has dealt to you?

95. What are your present fears? List them.

96. How do you presently get other people's attention?

a. Pouting?
b. Sulking?
c. Temper tantrums?
d. Being extra good (and letting them know it)?
e. Playing stupid?
f. Frustrating others' activities?
g. Bitching?
h. Other ways?

Go to the Conclusion.